Welcome to the first article of my five-part “How To” series.
“The best way to predict the future is to create it” – Buddha
As a rape survivor, trust is a topic I am still learning to navigate. This is because after any type of trauma, we lose trust. In ourselves, and in others.
Our minds like to ask questions, and to talk. They like to say things like ” How can we trust ourselves, if we did not manage to protect ourselves from the trauma?”
Or “How can we trust others, if the other is the one who raped us, hurt us, crashed into us, or cheated on us?”
Our minds are precious, but sometimes they really are like wild monkeys stealing our fruits of joy!
This is why training our minds through yoga and meditation is great for trauma survivors. This in turn helps us to rebuild trust.
Rebuilding trust is crucial for taking those steps from surviving to living after trauma.
I wanted to share some of the great tips I’ve learnt along the recovery road regarding trust:
- We live the life that we choose to create
Remembering this mantra has really helped me on those bad scary days, when the world has felt dark, because I am so distrustful and full of fear.
Grab a pen and paper, and ask yourself now “What do I want my life to look like? (I bet the answer is beautiful, and full of creativity!)
Keep this paper on you, and pull it out in those bad moments
You will notice your mindset starting to shift! Your perspective will show you what you have already created that is beautiful for yourself in your own life.
This will start to show you how much you do for yourself. How worthy of your own love and trust you are.
2. Kindness and patience
Looking at yourself with kind and forgiving eyes is perhaps the number one thing I learnt early on during recovery.
Trauma recovery is one of the most difficult things we have to face. It’s silent, and can be very poisonous (sometimes fatal. PTSD and suicide go hand in hand.)
Acknowledging that it’s hard already gives us a break. Say to yourself “it’s hard being me today. And that’s ok”.
Visualization exercise:
- Imagine someone you love. This can be your best friend, sibling, parent, or partner.
- Imagine them coming to you and saying “I’m having such a hard day today. I feel worthless, and like I can’t trust anyone. I’m scared of everything”. You can replace these words with some of the negative thoughts that come to you during moments of distrust.
- Imagine what you would say and do to comfort that person.
- Now say and do those same things for yourself!
Remember, above all you are your own best friend. Your own sibling. Your own parent. Your own partner.
Cultivating self-love is key to rebuilding trust!
I am sure you would not say to them “You’re right, you’re worthless, and you can’t trust anyone because the world is a terrible place!”
Instead you would be kind, and compassionate. Offer some words of comfort, and love. Give them a hug, and maybe some chocolate!
By reminding yourself of keeping your kind and forgiving eyes on, you will start to see yourself as your friend. You will stop the negative mind chatter that can be so paralysing, and hurtful, and you will
3. Dive deep
After my trauma, one of my coping mechanisms was to do what I now like to call “surface swimming.”
You know the doggy paddle, with the hair and face and preferably shoulders above the water style?
That.
What I mean by surface swimming is that I did not trust myself to dive deep into experiences, or life anymore. I liked to chat to someone for 10 minutes but not more, in case my trauma started to surface.
I would go for a coffee and date casually, but kept my heart and soul closed. “Better to stick to the surface, so no one gets hurt.”
After the trauma, I felt like minefield. A ticking time bomb. Surface swimming meant that there was less chance of anything going off.
This is not to say that we should start dating immediately, and everyone learns to swim at different paces! Remember tip no.2 about kind and forgiving eyes, whatever stage you are at is the best for you right now, and loving yourself for it is so important!
However, aiming for deep diving will start to open your world up again. There is so much joy, light and beauty in this life, and you deserve to enjoy it my friend.
Good luck friend,
Namasté
Kimberley
xxx
The Light Lioness 